Never Marry A Man Who Makes Less Money Than You Do
$$$
You never knows what life is going to throw your way. After more than 30 years living in the same neighborhood, most of them in the same building, I've just moved to a dramatically different place in New York City. From a 3 bedroom, 3 bath doorman coop on the tony Upper East Side (where all the good public schools are) to a 2 bedroom' 1 bath pre-war Washington Heights rental (one UES shopkeeper thoughtlessly & erroneously called it "the ghetto") I could have gotten whiplash from the speed that landed me here!
But since I always try to look on the bright side, I'm going to share with you the view outside my living room window last night...
Not too shabby, eh?
I really love my new apartment, but uprooting and downsizing in three weeks is very difficult. On the list of stressful life events, moving is #1 - above divorce, above a death in the family. That's because one's entire frame of reference is thrown into chaos. You don't know where anything is and for an admitted OCD like myself, this is truly hell!
I tried everything I could to stay put, from getting a mortgage to buy out my ex-husband, to hosting students in my son's empty bedroom. My ex, the father of my two children, was not going to allow me to have anything that he didn't have, never mind that I have MS and had retired from my job to take care of myself and my children.
I am not going to tell the whole sad story - I may write the book someday - but I have learned something valuable that I am compelled to share now:
Never marry a man who makes less money than you do!
There was a time not long ago when this wasn't even a possibility. Women didn't work, and men knew that to get the girl, they had to show her family that the suitor could support the daughter in the manner to which she had become accustomed.
Happily, times have changed. Women who work hard and play their cards right can earn responsible positions that pay well. Some things, however, have not changed. Men still measure their worth by their paycheck and compare themselves accordingly. Size matters.
So if you make more money than he does, he doesn't want you, my dear. He wants your money.
It makes me very sad to report this. As a young feminist, I believed that women could do anything and that enlightened men would not feel threatened by our success. I still believe women can do anything, but even enlightened men still have that stubborn double x chromosome and testosterone to boot. It's all about measuring up. They just can't help it.
My wise boyfriend says, "men are simple creatures, like dogs. Feed us, rub our bellies a little and we're good!" This truism puts women in the driver's seat, but you have to steer the car - or train the dog, if you prefer the canine metaphor. As Oprah reminds us, you teach people how to treat you.
If you run after a man, you've taught him that he doesn't have to make an effort to pursue you. If you don't ask for help with housework or cooking, you've taught him he doesn't have to do any. And if you marry a man who makes less money than you do, you've shown him that he has nothing to offer ...except, of course, for sex, the even bigger male must have.
Women know how irresistible a cute guy with a slow hand can be, but when the sex cools down - and it most likely will - you're going to be stuck with a very angry man with zero confidence and a terrible self image. After all, he married a woman who makes more money than he does.
Please don't do it.
Swift Thrift - Down the Drain
The bathroom drains in my new apartment were very, very slow. The sink has one of those weird faucet/drain combos that cannot be separated, so the stopper cannot be removed. I did the baking soda & vinegar "volcano" but it didn't help the sink or the bathtub. I was about to put it on the long list of issues I had to speak to my new super about. Then on one of several trips to the hardware store, I picked up a $3.99 piece of plastic called a Zip It.
I later found it on sale at Home Depot for $2.48. This long piece of plastic w/spikey bits fit right down into the sink drain and pulled up the most disgusting glob of hair. Another little volcano and poof! I had the fastest drain in NYC! Fantastic and so inexpensive. Save the cost of a plumber for something positive, like a new bathroom!
If you enjoyed this blog, please forward it to a friend. I'd love to hear what you think and I promise to respond to any comments you care to share! Looking forward to hearing from you...
Keep calm & carry on...Lori.
